heyz pple..
we met up today..or shd i say yest?anyway..u get wat i mean..12 Feb kz..went Kbox in the morn...attendance not bad wor..6 out of 7..muz praise yc here..thanks for making de effort to come..hmmm...seems like u din even touch de mike today..most prob paid for de teriyaki chicken meal and tea..luckily u like it..treat it as a trip to a cafe with noisy singers kz..hehe..=p not forgetting to compliment kiu also..cos he came with us...and had to do the dirty job of singing all de songs which we hav no idea how to sing...den had to biao1 gao1 yin1 for some parts of some songs..not easy..considering de fact dat he is still nursing a sore throat..so..*pats pats* on the shoulders for both of you kz..really appreciate the effort you guys put in...=) btw..thanks to kiu..for your 6 panadols over de past 2 days! *^-^*

okie..now hor..muz apologise to kenny la..knoe he wun take it to heart..but still..it seems so bad..dat we are scolding and blaming him for sth dat is not his fault..but we juz to niao you la..juz for de sake of it..and tinking on de bright side..it means we care bout ur existence u knoe..so next time hor..if u dun wanna get a earful of scolding from all 3 members of STG..make sure you plans your outings so that they dun clash with ours kz...and hor..as for de other MIB aka timothy..how long has it been since we last saw you?!? okie..i shd say i see you..cos tink de rest saw you before you book in for field camp..knoe its not your fault dat u din come today..cos u had to book in in de evening..juz hope to see you soon..hmmm..acty wonder if u will even get to see de post...

hmmm..it's a nice feeling when u meet up with frens dat you haven seen for so long...we may not be close..but it's heartwarming to know dat we all still hav de urge deep within us to keep in contact..if not we wud not even bother turning up for today's meet up at mdm tan's hse..talking bout tis leh..yt..thanks for de big sacrifce you hav to make by turning down 3 other home visits juz to make it for tis one..tink we all appreciate it...=) somehow..we are always faced with choices..and forced to make sacrifices...sigh..tis is life..nobody can escape from it..so let's live with it...in de best way possible.. =) hmmm..tink chaneng also chose us over her SJ mates..not as big a decision compared to yt..but still.. i tink she muz hav struggled while deciding...small gestures dat let us know we are of higher importance...

not sure if wat i tink bout u pple thru today's outing is correct...but i juz wanna let u pple knoe..i'm really glad to knoe you pple as frens...at least concern shown for you pple are acknowledged..veri impt wor...cos its de drive dat keeps a person going to cont showing care and concern for others...pple are all selfish by nature ba...we wud be lying if we say we dun mind giving without recieving..wat varies from individual to individual...is de amt dat they need to recieve in order to keep them going...for some...juz a thanks frm de person wud suffice...for others...they might expect de same treatment in return..

today hor...also realised dat life really veri unpredictable and fragile at times leh...esp after hearing all de tekong talks..its like almost everyone in tekong has fallen ill at least once..treatment there seems so bad..muz admit dat respect for NS men really upgrade alot ever since guys in our batch go t enlisted..den today recieve news dat got fren kena admitted into hosp..scenes of seeing xl lying on de hosp bed juz flashed across my mind..was really worried..i knoe i'm tinking and worrying too much..but i really dun wish to go thru de kinda pain once again..

acty ever since xl left last yr...i try to make an effort of telling pple to take care as a signing off msg..sometimes is like i can continuously remind de same person to take care many many times within a conversation...i find it fan2 myself la..but can't help it..telling pple to take care makes me feel more at ease..although i knoe these 2 words hav no help when they really meet with trouble..

u knoe..sometimes when u are so worried...like i was for de whole of today afternoon..all u wish for is dat de person wud be well...how u are treated no longer matter...not even if de person has hurt you before..not 1st time i felt tis way...dat time when i heard dat my fren nose bled profusely..i really hoped dat she wud be fine..even though i was kinda pissed with her at dat time..u wud realise dat health and well-being of ur frens are more impt den anything else...you wud rather lose contact with them forever...in exchange for their well-being..at these times..u wud feel dat sheng1 li2 is less terrible den si3 bie2...fear has great power..it can really change ur mindset within de short time frame..

tink u all muz be confused again...haha..sorry for messing up u pple's tots so frequently these few days...but i really need to tell u pple how much u all mean to me..i dun wanna regret in future for not having told u guys..

shuqin | 12:06 AM

Hmmm…at least this time round I see more entries on the blog le…yawnz….happy cny to all..wonder if most pple r still in bed….e road is totally empty now…just went to my grandma’s place to get my charger back n withdraw money give mama….was told 2nd pay come already…350++….must try to avoid touching that money…n of cos save up the ang bao money…just now heard a lion dance troupe lorry going down circuit road…kinda wanna go along again this yr leh…ah shucks…but I guess it’s time I retired…shall not talk bout field camp or any such stuff cos it’s kinda boring to always hear bout recruits n their tales…haha…trying to recover my voice…hopefully e water parades will help…

Haizz….zhen1 shi4 de4….evry1 of us should avoid staying up till so late….esp since we r all such gan3 qing2 fan4 lan4 de4 ren2….pardon me if I use wrongly but u guys get e pt…hehe…if there’s smt bout tekong that is positive it would be that life is just damn simple down there….dun hafta worry too much…dun hafta think too much….at nite u can’t even stay up to haf weird tots popping out for ur head…haha..but that aside…shall just say that evry1 starts to haf new year resolutions when eva e new yr comes n all e rubbish…but sometimes dun set resolutions that dun make sense or change e person that u r….unless it is a change for e betta….starting from last yr I found new year resolutions dumb already….but mayb it’s cos I always set ones that I no is practically impossible for me to achieve 1…but think bout it….y make ourselves do things we dun want to right? If we really needed to get smt done….we dun hafta set any stupid resolutions ar….we will just get it done lo…y bother to put a one-liner sentence into ur brain n keep psychoing urself n reminding urself bout it n be restrained by it like a law….u set a resolution cos u wanna achieve smt…when ya do smt that does not comply with it u start scolding urself or wat eva…u dun set e resolution n just get on with life n when u dun achieve it in the end u start thinking why din I make an effort to try….at the end of e day both making n not making resolution dun make a difference…hmmm…..i starting to not uds wat I toking about le….as usual…haha….e instructors in tekong tell us…live each day by each day…dun think bout wat u’ll have tomolo or next wk…life gets along betta…when e day has passed…it’s another day passed...simple as that….den at e morning u tell urself it’s a new day….but my kinda thinking is I like keeping things plain n simple…thinking too far n too wide neva brings about much joy into ur life….reading too deep into stuff oso lets u discover stuff u wish u neva knew…but this is e xiong1 wu2 da4 zhi4 kinda way of thinking….n it’s each to his own in this complex society that we live in now…

alaka | 1:21 PM

seems that most of us are affected by the thinking-wild/deep-thots-in-the-middle-of-the-nite syndrome.. had a lot in mind to say in response to sq's post, but cos i respect ur privacy n all i can't say too much here. but wanna share sth that i read somewhere before.. whoever said that when ur mad at someone, that person suffers? often we keep all the hurt inside and nv really come to terms with it.. and the ppl who haf hurt u may not even realise the extent of the damage done and happily live on with their lives, not knowing that u haf suffered so much cos of them.. so acty is it really worth it? to relieve all the pain and anger and hurt agn? knowing that it doesnt affect that person one bit? u can nv take away the memories of wad u once had.. so it may be near impossible to forget wad had happened in the past.. but i do believe that whatever u focus on becomes bigger in ur life, and wadeva u ignore, becomes smaller. since u've made e decision to move on with life, look ahead to the future ba... we haf so much more in the future ahead of us! be optimistic yea?

on a side note, we must really come up with sth to prevent such emotional turmoil in the middle of the nite.. wad if one of us turns suicidal while blogging out our thots?? haha juz kidding. =P

chan eng.charis | 9:21 PM

hey pplez!
was still wondering whether i shd delete de entry i posted tis morn..but i guess..i'll juz leave it..sorry to all those who are blur after reading it..but i've seriously no intentions of saying more.. knoe its kinda selfish of me..wanting to share my tots..but not letting u all knoe wat exactly happened..forgive me yeah?

woke up tis morn feeling de strong determination to get on with life again..kept myself occupied by reading de book which i hav been longing for so long..de story not bad..but it's not as sweet as i tot it wud be..hehe..=p anyway.. i finished like 134 pages..a quarter of de book..shall cont reading tml..yupz..

hmmm..some things never fail to haunt us hor?esp during times when u are trying so hard to forget..memories can get quite irritating at times..hmmm..anyway..after i wrote de entry tis morn..realised dat sacrifices muz be made at times..can't hold on and hope to let go at de same time..impossible 1 la..why am i so stubborn leh?so right..i hope i can be less soft-hearted..some pple are juz not worth de effort i guess..i hope i can be less sentimental..beautiful memories can sometimes turn out to be those dat hurt us in future...but i guess..if they were never beautiful...they wud never hav de chance to be painful...

i muz be more alert! not be so naive..look beyond wat is before me..believe in my own 6th sense and eyes..stop looking back..de past wun come back! nothing will ever be de same again..not even if i get to relive it...cos things hav changed! we are in control of our own lives.. we can choose de kind of lives we want...be it looking forward and living to the fullest...or cont to dwell in de past...i choose to look forward!been foolish for long enough!help me to jia you kz..=p

shuqin | 11:45 PM

hmmm..tis gotta be the latest i ever stayed up since i started work if i never remember wrongly..
reached home ard 12.45am..after going out for class dinner and movie at orchard..de movie was not bad..but i wun say it is worth $8.50..it's called "bayside showdown 2"..a Jap movie bout cops..it's a movie with a storyline..and some hidden humour..lasted for about 2hrs..

after i reached home and showered leh..by de time i settled everything it was already 1am..hair still wet..din wanna wake up with headache tml..so decided to come online to clear mail and spend de time..de later i stayed up..de more i din feel like sleeping..it's like i've been sleeping at 10+ everyday..when i could hav slept later..and done more stuff..maybe my stay up tonight will make up for de days i slept early..

i guess de night always has a certain effect on pple..set them into a more emotional mood..when tots start to flow..when de shield we build ard ourselves breakdown..thought bout some stuff these few days..mostly on my way home..when i was listening to de songs that accompanied me thru the tough prelims and A levels period..they brought back lotsa memories..de good and bad ones..not that i wanna be thick skinned..but i really tink i deserve a pat for surviving thru dat period of time..up to now..tinking back..it still hurt when certain memories are brought back..thanks to de sotongs for being there for me..

set a new year resolution for myself..told chaneng bout it.."get on with life!" ..i held firmly by it for the whole of today..but juz now..when i reached home and started reading some stuff...i lost de battle against myself again..i dun remember how many times hav i told myself to let go and get on with life..it's always during de late nights which i stay up that my mind lose de battle to my emotions..dun ask me why i can't let go..i used to tink it wud be easy for me to put it down...but after so long...i'm still only at the stage of trying..nobody can tell me wat to do..cos even if they do...i might not listen to them also..it is really a battle with myself..sometimes i feel really tired..wanna give up on letting go..but i knoe if i cling on..it wud juz be more diff to let go in future..de more u put in..de more u expect out of it..i'm still a selfish person at times..de struggle between holding on to de little hope..and giving up completely..y give hope if you can't promise anything?de pain brought by hopes dashed hurt more den never having any in de 1st place..cos it's a fall from a much higher level..if i'm asked whether i wud choose de same route when given de chance again..i'm not sure of de ans myself..cos not all are bad..argh..y am i so contradicting?hav nothing in de 1st place or hav it and den lose it?

i'm not dat magnanimous as chaneng tinks i am..i still can't face wat i dun dare/want to face..sigh..sometimes all i want is a hug...or a shoulder for me to lean on when all i wanna do is to stop tinking..i hope someone wud help me do the tinking at times..i wanna recieve and not juz be giving all de time...but i guess it wud be quite a long time before i get wat i'm wishing for..and by den..wud i be able to give as much as i did?i'm not so sure if i can ever find back de same feeling...and at de same time i'm not sure if i wanna be reminded of de feeling..will it bring back pain or sweet memories?

doesn't matter if u dun understand wat i'm talking bout..i juz needed an outlet..dun bother asking me wat tis is about..if u already knew..u will understand..if u dun..den forget wat u juz read...

shuqin | 2:12 AM

heyz pple..
we met up today..or shd i say yest?anyway..u get wat i mean..12 Feb kz..went Kbox in the morn...attendance not bad wor..6 out of 7..muz praise yc here..thanks for making de effort to come..hmmm...seems like u din even touch de mike today..most prob paid for de teriyaki chicken meal and tea..luckily u like it..treat it as a trip to a cafe with noisy singers kz..hehe..=p not forgetting to compliment kiu also..cos he came with us...and had to do the dirty job of singing all de songs which we hav no idea how to sing...den had to biao1 gao1 yin1 for some parts of some songs..not easy..considering de fact dat he is still nursing a sore throat..so..*pats pats* on the shoulders for both of you kz..really appreciate the effort you guys put in...=) btw..thanks to kiu..for your 6 panadols over de past 2 days! *^-^*

okie..now hor..muz apologise to kenny la..knoe he wun take it to heart..but still..it seems so bad..dat we are scolding and blaming him for sth dat is not his fault..but we juz to niao you la..juz for de sake of it..and tinking on de bright side..it means we care bout ur existence u knoe..so next time hor..if u dun wanna get a earful of scolding from all 3 members of STG..make sure you plans your outings so that they dun clash with ours kz...and hor..as for de other MIB aka timothy..how long has it been since we last saw you?!? okie..i shd say i see you..cos tink de rest saw you before you book in for field camp..knoe its not your fault dat u din come today..cos u had to book in in de evening..juz hope to see you soon..hmmm..acty wonder if u will even get to see de post...

hmmm..it's a nice feeling when u meet up with frens dat you haven seen for so long...we may not be close..but it's heartwarming to know dat we all still hav de urge deep within us to keep in contact..if not we wud not even bother turning up for today's meet up at mdm tan's hse..talking bout tis leh..yt..thanks for de big sacrifce you hav to make by turning down 3 other home visits juz to make it for tis one..tink we all appreciate it...=) somehow..we are always faced with choices..and forced to make sacrifices...sigh..tis is life..nobody can escape from it..so let's live with it...in de best way possible.. =) hmmm..tink chaneng also chose us over her SJ mates..not as big a decision compared to yt..but still.. i tink she muz hav struggled while deciding...small gestures dat let us know we are of higher importance...

not sure if wat i tink bout u pple thru today's outing is correct...but i juz wanna let u pple knoe..i'm really glad to knoe you pple as frens...at least concern shown for you pple are acknowledged..veri impt wor...cos its de drive dat keeps a person going to cont showing care and concern for others...pple are all selfish by nature ba...we wud be lying if we say we dun mind giving without recieving..wat varies from individual to individual...is de amt dat they need to recieve in order to keep them going...for some...juz a thanks frm de person wud suffice...for others...they might expect de same treatment in return..

today hor...also realised dat life really veri unpredictable and fragile at times leh...esp after hearing all de tekong talks..its like almost everyone in tekong has fallen ill at least once..treatment there seems so bad..muz admit dat respect for NS men really upgrade alot ever since guys in our batch go t enlisted..den today recieve news dat got fren kena admitted into hosp..scenes of seeing xl lying on de hosp bed juz flashed across my mind..was really worried..i knoe i'm tinking and worrying too much..but i really dun wish to go thru de kinda pain once again..

acty ever since xl left last yr...i try to make an effort of telling pple to take care as a signing off msg..sometimes is like i can continuously remind de same person to take care many many times within a conversation...i find it fan2 myself la..but can't help it..telling pple to take care makes me feel more at ease..although i knoe these 2 words hav no help when they really meet with trouble..

u knoe..sometimes when u are so worried...like i was for de whole of today afternoon..all u wish for is dat de person wud be well...how u are treated no longer matter...not even if de person has hurt you before..not 1st time i felt tis way...dat time when i heard dat my fren nose bled profusely..i really hoped dat she wud be fine..even though i was kinda pissed with her at dat time..u wud realise dat health and well-being of ur frens are more impt den anything else...you wud rather lose contact with them forever...in exchange for their well-being..at these times..u wud feel dat sheng1 li2 is less terrible den si3 bie2...fear has great power..it can really change ur mindset within de short time frame..

tink u all muz be confused again...haha..sorry for messing up u pple's tots so frequently these few days...but i really need to tell u pple how much u all mean to me..i dun wanna regret in future for not having told u guys..

shuqin | 12:06 AM

Hmmm…at least this time round I see more entries on the blog le…yawnz….happy cny to all..wonder if most pple r still in bed….e road is totally empty now…just went to my grandma’s place to get my charger back n withdraw money give mama….was told 2nd pay come already…350++….must try to avoid touching that money…n of cos save up the ang bao money…just now heard a lion dance troupe lorry going down circuit road…kinda wanna go along again this yr leh…ah shucks…but I guess it’s time I retired…shall not talk bout field camp or any such stuff cos it’s kinda boring to always hear bout recruits n their tales…haha…trying to recover my voice…hopefully e water parades will help…

Haizz….zhen1 shi4 de4….evry1 of us should avoid staying up till so late….esp since we r all such gan3 qing2 fan4 lan4 de4 ren2….pardon me if I use wrongly but u guys get e pt…hehe…if there’s smt bout tekong that is positive it would be that life is just damn simple down there….dun hafta worry too much…dun hafta think too much….at nite u can’t even stay up to haf weird tots popping out for ur head…haha..but that aside…shall just say that evry1 starts to haf new year resolutions when eva e new yr comes n all e rubbish…but sometimes dun set resolutions that dun make sense or change e person that u r….unless it is a change for e betta….starting from last yr I found new year resolutions dumb already….but mayb it’s cos I always set ones that I no is practically impossible for me to achieve 1…but think bout it….y make ourselves do things we dun want to right? If we really needed to get smt done….we dun hafta set any stupid resolutions ar….we will just get it done lo…y bother to put a one-liner sentence into ur brain n keep psychoing urself n reminding urself bout it n be restrained by it like a law….u set a resolution cos u wanna achieve smt…when ya do smt that does not comply with it u start scolding urself or wat eva…u dun set e resolution n just get on with life n when u dun achieve it in the end u start thinking why din I make an effort to try….at the end of e day both making n not making resolution dun make a difference…hmmm…..i starting to not uds wat I toking about le….as usual…haha….e instructors in tekong tell us…live each day by each day…dun think bout wat u’ll have tomolo or next wk…life gets along betta…when e day has passed…it’s another day passed...simple as that….den at e morning u tell urself it’s a new day….but my kinda thinking is I like keeping things plain n simple…thinking too far n too wide neva brings about much joy into ur life….reading too deep into stuff oso lets u discover stuff u wish u neva knew…but this is e xiong1 wu2 da4 zhi4 kinda way of thinking….n it’s each to his own in this complex society that we live in now…

alaka | 1:21 PM

seems that most of us are affected by the thinking-wild/deep-thots-in-the-middle-of-the-nite syndrome.. had a lot in mind to say in response to sq's post, but cos i respect ur privacy n all i can't say too much here. but wanna share sth that i read somewhere before.. whoever said that when ur mad at someone, that person suffers? often we keep all the hurt inside and nv really come to terms with it.. and the ppl who haf hurt u may not even realise the extent of the damage done and happily live on with their lives, not knowing that u haf suffered so much cos of them.. so acty is it really worth it? to relieve all the pain and anger and hurt agn? knowing that it doesnt affect that person one bit? u can nv take away the memories of wad u once had.. so it may be near impossible to forget wad had happened in the past.. but i do believe that whatever u focus on becomes bigger in ur life, and wadeva u ignore, becomes smaller. since u've made e decision to move on with life, look ahead to the future ba... we haf so much more in the future ahead of us! be optimistic yea?

on a side note, we must really come up with sth to prevent such emotional turmoil in the middle of the nite.. wad if one of us turns suicidal while blogging out our thots?? haha juz kidding. =P

chan eng.charis | 9:21 PM

hey pplez!
was still wondering whether i shd delete de entry i posted tis morn..but i guess..i'll juz leave it..sorry to all those who are blur after reading it..but i've seriously no intentions of saying more.. knoe its kinda selfish of me..wanting to share my tots..but not letting u all knoe wat exactly happened..forgive me yeah?

woke up tis morn feeling de strong determination to get on with life again..kept myself occupied by reading de book which i hav been longing for so long..de story not bad..but it's not as sweet as i tot it wud be..hehe..=p anyway.. i finished like 134 pages..a quarter of de book..shall cont reading tml..yupz..

hmmm..some things never fail to haunt us hor?esp during times when u are trying so hard to forget..memories can get quite irritating at times..hmmm..anyway..after i wrote de entry tis morn..realised dat sacrifices muz be made at times..can't hold on and hope to let go at de same time..impossible 1 la..why am i so stubborn leh?so right..i hope i can be less soft-hearted..some pple are juz not worth de effort i guess..i hope i can be less sentimental..beautiful memories can sometimes turn out to be those dat hurt us in future...but i guess..if they were never beautiful...they wud never hav de chance to be painful...

i muz be more alert! not be so naive..look beyond wat is before me..believe in my own 6th sense and eyes..stop looking back..de past wun come back! nothing will ever be de same again..not even if i get to relive it...cos things hav changed! we are in control of our own lives.. we can choose de kind of lives we want...be it looking forward and living to the fullest...or cont to dwell in de past...i choose to look forward!been foolish for long enough!help me to jia you kz..=p

shuqin | 11:45 PM

hmmm..tis gotta be the latest i ever stayed up since i started work if i never remember wrongly..
reached home ard 12.45am..after going out for class dinner and movie at orchard..de movie was not bad..but i wun say it is worth $8.50..it's called "bayside showdown 2"..a Jap movie bout cops..it's a movie with a storyline..and some hidden humour..lasted for about 2hrs..

after i reached home and showered leh..by de time i settled everything it was already 1am..hair still wet..din wanna wake up with headache tml..so decided to come online to clear mail and spend de time..de later i stayed up..de more i din feel like sleeping..it's like i've been sleeping at 10+ everyday..when i could hav slept later..and done more stuff..maybe my stay up tonight will make up for de days i slept early..

i guess de night always has a certain effect on pple..set them into a more emotional mood..when tots start to flow..when de shield we build ard ourselves breakdown..thought bout some stuff these few days..mostly on my way home..when i was listening to de songs that accompanied me thru the tough prelims and A levels period..they brought back lotsa memories..de good and bad ones..not that i wanna be thick skinned..but i really tink i deserve a pat for surviving thru dat period of time..up to now..tinking back..it still hurt when certain memories are brought back..thanks to de sotongs for being there for me..

set a new year resolution for myself..told chaneng bout it.."get on with life!" ..i held firmly by it for the whole of today..but juz now..when i reached home and started reading some stuff...i lost de battle against myself again..i dun remember how many times hav i told myself to let go and get on with life..it's always during de late nights which i stay up that my mind lose de battle to my emotions..dun ask me why i can't let go..i used to tink it wud be easy for me to put it down...but after so long...i'm still only at the stage of trying..nobody can tell me wat to do..cos even if they do...i might not listen to them also..it is really a battle with myself..sometimes i feel really tired..wanna give up on letting go..but i knoe if i cling on..it wud juz be more diff to let go in future..de more u put in..de more u expect out of it..i'm still a selfish person at times..de struggle between holding on to de little hope..and giving up completely..y give hope if you can't promise anything?de pain brought by hopes dashed hurt more den never having any in de 1st place..cos it's a fall from a much higher level..if i'm asked whether i wud choose de same route when given de chance again..i'm not sure of de ans myself..cos not all are bad..argh..y am i so contradicting?hav nothing in de 1st place or hav it and den lose it?

i'm not dat magnanimous as chaneng tinks i am..i still can't face wat i dun dare/want to face..sigh..sometimes all i want is a hug...or a shoulder for me to lean on when all i wanna do is to stop tinking..i hope someone wud help me do the tinking at times..i wanna recieve and not juz be giving all de time...but i guess it wud be quite a long time before i get wat i'm wishing for..and by den..wud i be able to give as much as i did?i'm not so sure if i can ever find back de same feeling...and at de same time i'm not sure if i wanna be reminded of de feeling..will it bring back pain or sweet memories?

doesn't matter if u dun understand wat i'm talking bout..i juz needed an outlet..dun bother asking me wat tis is about..if u already knew..u will understand..if u dun..den forget wat u juz read...

shuqin | 2:12 AM